23 and beyond!

So 23 years old! I think I am actually a man, a grown up, scary! Can you believe it!

I have lately been feeling this crazy call to manhood. This weekend, I went down to Indianapolis Indiana to attend the wedding of one of my old friends from college. The wedding was nice, I got the chance to see all of my old college buddies that have disappeared since the move to Milwaukee. How fast things change, I feel that were all growing up!

Jon Swain came to the wedding with a lovely lookin' lady. I couldn't believe my eyes, out of all of Jon's grief about girls and finding the right one it seemed like it finally clicked for him. Jake was getting married, at the age of 24 Jake was immersing himself in a completely new and changing experience. John and Marie Williams, who also at the wedding who are 23 announced that Marie was pregnant and asked if I would be willing to be the Godparent. You know what that means don't you? I happily accepted amongst the fog of liquor, but simutaneously realized the tremendous responsibility of what he was asking, could I be ready? So Anna and I drove home reflecting on the speed in which things change as we enter this world into adulthood. Relieved that we had escaped all of this talk of growing up, we stopped at Brad's house down in southern Wisconsin before heading up to Milwaukee. Wow! now Brad is a real grown up. Also at 23, Brad and his fiancee' have purchased a house and have a 17 month year old child.

Its just amazing to see how all of this comes about... this aging thing. So much of a part of you wants to cling on to the good old times when responsibility is nill and freedom reigns reckless. Its crazy how much we change though; sculpted by the forces of age and accountability.

I find myself in that position now doing all of this organizing. In a place where nobody tells you exactly what your path should be, the exact measures in which you should follow to be successful in your life. You have guidelines, there the ones that you were supposeably taught for your entire life leading up to this point. However, somehow after all the preparation of things you feel as if you were the child in the talent show who rehearsed and rehearsed the song and dance to death in front of the mirror, only to forget it all in the face of the crowed stage. Why couldn't we just remember everything, be on autopilot, completely set up for the life that we always wanted. Why can't we just have it all figured out when we get to this point?

As I sat in the car on the drive back after seeing Brad's baby I thought of my parents. When they had my brother and I they seemed to have it all figured out, all set up, but I realized that I was now at the age that they could have been upon having me. With so much doubt fear and misdirection, how could they have possibly figured it out.

So I guess in conclusion, despite how much confusion and disillusionment about being this age, in the end we figure it out, perfectionism never seems to reign but instead we go through this process of mucking through it all and in the end we come out and realize that were in the light.

Who ever said that I life without perfection was ever a life without meaning?